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Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this
It is the perfect solution,

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the program in which we try
solve the world's problems

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because, well, someone already
he did the Carpool Karaoke thing.

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In this episode, we will fix
social networks.

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Specifically, how are
ruining our lives.

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Hashtag sad face.

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human interaction
face to face is not usual.

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Today, we communicate
online, anonymously

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and with the pants
on the ankles.

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If this continues,

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soon
real conversations

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will be something that only
old people do,

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how to send letters
or be racist.

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But social networks
They have their advantages.

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YouTube teaches us
countless things.

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I learned to apply eyeliner
while I build a bomb

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and as a laundry detergent.

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I know they have their critics, but
social media is good

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so that children know
pedophiles with common interests.

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And they also allow people
prepare children for abuse

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without the hassle of having to
join the Catholic Church.

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Oh, am I the bad guy here?

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Let's solve the problem
of social networks

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with a group of comedians
with fewer followers

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that the gardener
by Kim Kardashian.

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Welcome to The
perfect solution.

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The program works like this:

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I challenged two groups of comedians
to fix the social networks.

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Our audience will vote
at the end of the program.

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The idea that receives the most "me"
like" will be the winner.

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To fix social networks:
Katherine Ryan and Nikki Glaser.

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Hello. Thanks for being here.

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and DL Hughley and
Michael Ian Black.

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Then we will listen
your solutions,

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but first, let's see the
problem closer.

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What do you think about
social networks?

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They stink.

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They are, at the same time, the best
what happened to me in life

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and the worst thing that
happened in life.

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More or less like my children.

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It's almost the same.

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I think about them all the time

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and I feel that
I pay a lot of attention

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but they don't give me anything in return.

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Again, like my children.

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It's like children, right?

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It's rare to have 5000 friends

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and that only one
help you move.

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As a single woman
It's depressing.

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I'm 34 years old and what
determines my mood

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It's if a man I like looks
or not my Instagram story.

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And if you don't look at it, I'm more
bad with my dogs that day.

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It's... It's crazy.

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But that's how my reality works.

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And it's sad.

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I am absolutely addicted to my phone.
Absolutely.

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How much can you spend
without looking at your phone?

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I don't go out without it. I can
uninstall a...

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I uninstall Instagram.

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But I'm still in the
others, there is no way...

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The day when
not be in any

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It's the day that's trendy
on Twitter for being dead.

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Which is ironic.

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Katherine, your relationship?
with social networks?

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I love them.

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They ruin lives, but
not mine, because...

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I am superficial and unfriendly.

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Whoever believes...

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It's funnier if you know her.

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Whoever believes that
we need more eye contact

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and human interaction

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was never a woman
on a bus.

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We don't need those things.
And they do ruin lives.

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The other day I was introduced to a
adorable Instagram whore

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Have you met any?

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I know they exist.

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An Instagram whore is a guy
of a very special creature that...

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It's not your fault. She was beautiful.

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- Yes.
- Beautiful.

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But horrible.

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And I feel that...

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I feel that we have participated

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in the dismantling of the
personality of this woman

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rewarding vain beauty.

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It's not your fault.

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A horrible person. Beautiful tits.
It's not your fault.

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Yes, and all the whores
from Instagram...

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I see who the men follow
the ones I try to date.

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And all the women look
as if they were wet.

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They are all saturated.

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All women should have this
wet look, very embryonic.

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Do you know? As if
they would have come out...

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- They are getting wetter and wetter.
- They're wet.

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And I try, but it's exhausting.

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I'm damn dry
and I can't compete.

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But all on Instagram
They are wet.

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What are we talking about?

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I'm talking about the
Instagram harlots.

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These women are wet.

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I think you're supposed to look so wet
outside as well as inside.

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I can't express how much I like it
hearing women saying “whore.”

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It's so cute.

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Now I'm wet.

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Do you have many followers, DL?

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- Yes.
- You have them.

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Yes, and I find it incredible.

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You're right, the more voyeuristic,
when more willing to...

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If you catch fire
or do something crazy

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you get followers.

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Right now it seems
be a competition

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in which people
judge how much one is worth.

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I remember Kanye was a trend because
He said slavery was an option.

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Which would mean that Harriet Tubman was
a travel agent. It would mean that.

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Michael, how much of your life
Do you share on networks?

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Hey, you know, no...

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It's like that. I don't pay much
attention to social networks.

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I'm on Twitter. I have...

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I don't know how many followers I have, I think.
which is something like 2,187 million.

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But I couldn't give you
the exact figure.

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I share a lot. I share a lot.

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Do you think you share too much?

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No... Well, here's the thing.

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I share exactly how
I feel in a moment,

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but I don't share any moment
too personal of my life.

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I won't say anything about this
stupid program, you understand?

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It's a pleasure to have you here.

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No, that's the problem, Jimmy.

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The biggest fear of ours
mothers when we were children

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was: "Don't tell anyone where you are."
As children we were supposed to be deprived

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and now every night I say:

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"I'll be at The Comedy Store at 8:10.
Come kill me."

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And then I give them a discount code
so that murdering me is cheaper for them.

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They can kill me
any night,

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I always say where I am.

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It's dangerous.

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But, Nikki,

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if you stay long enough
wet the knife will slip.

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That's what it's useful for!

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Slip.

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You're right.

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It's lubricant, yes.

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It's strange, your shoulder
It looks a little wet.

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It's wet.

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What do you have there?

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I got...

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One has to see
bright all the time.

147
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People tell me: "God
mine, you shine."

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And I: "I literally
I sprayed metallic paint.

149
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It is not an internal shine.
"I'm sad."

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Have you...

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I literally sprayed myself
with a spray, Jimmy.

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Don't hug me,
it will happen to you.

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I'm 34 years old and I'm alone.

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Have you ever
shared too much?

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I just did it!

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I can't stop.

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Here you have an amazing fact.

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50% of the people who
use social networks

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He said it had an impact.
negative in your partner.

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I feel that my
relationship has suffered.

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I am married. I am
married for centuries.

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And it was like...

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The nice thing is that I am
on social networks

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and my wife says to me: "Could you
Leave that, please?"

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But once I also asked
Indian tranquilizers

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and she said, "Could you
Leave that, please?"

167
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And I said: "Yes, but let me continue
with social networks." "Deal."

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Smart.

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You are a genius.

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I like to use them as a tool
to investigate and evaluate my relationships.

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Yes.

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Don't shake your head, sir.

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I shouldn't have sent him
messages to those women.

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It's not just how they use them and
Who do they send messages to?

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but their personalities show
really on social media.

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I used to watch the
profile of an ex-boyfriend

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and think: "It looks like a
narcissistic psychopath",

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and it took eight months of relationship

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to realize that it was
a narcissistic psychopath.

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Yes.

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You know what? I believe
that you are right.

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sometimes you are interested
in a type and...

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Have you ever checked someone's Twitter?
guy and you thought, "Ugh, shut up"?

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It is so attractive that a
man is not on Twitter.

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Very rare.

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someone who keeps
what you think.

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They are no longer found.

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ŻSocial networks
Did they affect your relationships?

189
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Yes. I would not have relationships
if it weren't for men

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who send me private messages.

191
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So I'm grateful.

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They are so wet that it is
like a water slide.

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Social networks
They can be addictive.

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Here is a report

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about some teenagers
British women who left them.

196
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The girls agreed to keep a diary
on video with a small camera,

197
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obviously without screen,

198
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to document how
they came forward.

199
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It's raining,

200
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:32,380
and since I don't have
phone or Wi-Fi,

201
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,400
I couldn't look at the forecast.

202
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,809
So I went out and started walking

203
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,144
and it started to rain.

204
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:44,750
I know that in five or ten
minutes, when I get to the bar,

205
00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:48,200
not having my phone
it will be a problem,

206
00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:50,790
because I will be sitting
and I will be bored,

207
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:51,857
because I am...

208
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:56,963
It will only be me, my sister,
my dad, his girlfriend and his daughter.

209
00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,598
So we won't do much.

210
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,370
Of course, another good way to
looking at the weather is using the cloud.

211
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,771
Or, as I call it, "clouds."

212
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,408
How would you feel if everyone
the shameful things

213
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,777
what they did when they were young
were they recorded?

214
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,213
It's the scariest thing
What can I imagine?

215
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,147
We are lucky.

216
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,950
That's how it is. That's why I never
I signed up for The Real World."

217
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,519
I thought: "I'm going to get drunk
and vomit on someone

218
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:23,550
while I give him a blowjob and
It will be there forever."

219
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,390
I would have done that.

220
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,580
New Orleans, season 10.

221
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:31,897
I wish what I did
teenager was on the internet.

222
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,667
He was cool, he was in a band.

223
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,570
I played at CBGB when
I was a teenager.

224
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,638
Excuse me?

225
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,206
What band were you in?

226
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,108
Don't get me wrong.

227
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:46,145
Mondays at CBGB
They were open mic.

228
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,514
Anyone could go.
But we did it

229
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:53,352
and we played and it was radical to have done so.
It's the coolest thing I've ever done.

230
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,454
I was 16 years old. Since then...

231
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:59,925
For young people,
"radical" means "good."

232
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,330
DL, do you think you could
spend a day without a phone?

233
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,769
Yes of course. But no...

234
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,138
I never need it so
post what I did

235
00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:15,107
because I have a mother who doesn't
He forgets nothing, so...

236
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,647
I try to think of a time when
the one who left the phone and...

237
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,383
Do they ever do it?
Congratulate yourself a little.

238
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,620
They go to the cinema and don't watch it
during half a movie,

239
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,488
because I can't stand the
entire movie...

240
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:32,825
Half the movie plays and
I see it in my bag

241
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,493
and I think: "I'm so strong."

242
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,630
Really... Really
I have a problem with that.

243
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:40,232
I'm obsessed with movies
and foreign programs

244
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,467
with subtitles,

245
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,470
because you have to look at them
subtitles and not the phone.

246
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,539
Yes, it's good. You force yourself to read.

247
00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:47,440
Yes.

248
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,909
But when you use the
phone you also read.

249
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,544
There is a lot of shame involved.

250
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:53,412
"Oh, he's on the phone."

251
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:54,780
I'm reading things.

252
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,583
If it were a book, they would say:
"Oh, Nikki is very cultured.

253
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,718
"He's reading."

254
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,620
Katherine, what are you reading?
on your phone?

255
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:04,156
What is your favorite place?
What are you visiting?

256
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,493
I'm on Instagram,
Instagram Stories, Twitter,

257
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:11,630
the application to control the
period, WhatsApp, Facebook.

258
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:13,766
ŻEveryone can use the
period application?

259
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:14,667
Yes.

260
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,837
ŻIt is a social network in which one
says: "I am menstruating" and the rest

261
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,105
can you say: "Me too"?

262
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:20,171
Can I...

263
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,109
You could do that.

264
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:25,778
No, one gets her menstruation
on the phone,

265
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,580
bleeds a little on it and...

266
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:28,914
Just a little.

267
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:29,981
Just...

268
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:33,520
I joke. You have to rub
blood with hand

269
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,119
And then...

270
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:35,821
It lets you know when it's coming.

271
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:36,989
And it tells you other things.

272
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,592
"Today is the day you are more
prone to crying while walking.

273
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,496
It warns you not to stab
to no one in the store.

274
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,331
He says: "Today you have
have to control you."

275
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:46,565
I don't know about you,

276
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:48,567
but I just got
whole of this.

277
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,537
Why doesn't my wife share?
your application with me?

278
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,439
It would help me a lot.

279
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,241
Ought.

280
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:01,847
A designer from Austria created something for
Help network addicts.

281
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:03,480
I think you might like it.

282
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,583
They are substitute phones.

283
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,286
They are marbles in a block.

284
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,155
- The idea is... Take one.
- Thank you.

285
00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:11,223
One can swipe.

286
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,159
So if you are
addicted to your phone,

287
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,694
You can pretend you have it.

288
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:17,830
Blackberry didn't do this?

289
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,568
I don't hate it.

290
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,103
I thought I would hate it.

291
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,938
It's like when you stop smoking

292
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,941
and people walk with a
cigarette that never lights

293
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:30,276
but they put it in their mouth.

294
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:31,977
- Yes.
- I think it's the same.

295
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,130
- I'll keep it.
- No, it's not good.

296
00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:36,816
People have sex dolls,
but he doesn't take them out on the street.

297
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:41,200
Return the phones. Or if
They will play with them.

298
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:42,321
Yes you're right.

299
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,490
It's like a fidget
spinner for idiots.

300
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:49,361
Yes, unlike fidget spinners
Seriously, they are for great people.

301
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,600
In search of followers
and "I like it", people

302
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,836
does anything for
the perfect selfie.

303
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:57,803
See this.

304
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:01,340
Juz's head is fine. The bites
camel can dissolve bones.

305
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,609
- Brilliant.
- Camel bites

306
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,845
can they dissolve bones?

307
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,813
Holy shit!

308
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:11,650
and the camel toes
They can dissolve your pride.

309
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:16,288
Were they ever in
problems for a selfie?

310
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:19,992
No. Photos are something that...

311
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:23,429
I don't like to see my face,
so I don't take photos.

312
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:24,495
I understand.

313
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,333
Because of my face?

314
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,702
- No, I think you're handsome.
- Thank you.

315
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:32,371
I'm going to send you some
private messages later.

316
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:33,639
Thank you.

317
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,807
Wear raincoats.

318
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,848
The other day I saw something
extraordinary.

319
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:44,950
I was having breakfast in a hotel

320
00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:46,452
and I saw some women arrive.

321
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,530
Beautiful.

322
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,423
They arrive, they put on their bikinis
sit next to the pool,

323
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,359
They take a selfie and leave.

324
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:54,260
Yes.

325
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,195
That was his day at the pool.

326
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,931
They thought: "We already have the photo,
I guess that's all."

327
00:14:58,998 --> 00:14:59,932
Yes.

328
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,734
I know people who
He uses it as an alibi.

329
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,769
Do you know? "I was here." But...

330
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,974
We visit hotels
different, DL.

331
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,178
You haven't lived until you visit
the Snooty Fox in Manchester.

332
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,546
Let me tell you something.

333
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,851
Does anyone have a pen?
I need to write it down.

334
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,452
Do you charge per hour?

335
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:21,720
Yes of course.

336
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,289
The Snooty Fox.

337
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,657
No, no.

338
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,158
Don't go. Don't go.

339
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,795
I know the street, DL.
You don't know who I am.

340
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:36,101
Well, let's look at another perspective of how
social networks ruin our lives

341
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:39,438
with the help of our expert
in data, Mona Chalabi!

342
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,243
Hi guys.

343
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,310
Hello, Mona.

344
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:49,148
I'm glad to see you. What do you have?
about social networks?

345
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:52,785
The amount of time we spend in
Social networks do not stop growing.

346
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,386
I made some images.

347
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,287
TIME SPENT

348
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:59,525
Around the world, people
spends about 135 minutes per day

349
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:01,293
on platforms
social networks.

350
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,696
But what does that mean?
amount of time?

351
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,432
Let's compare it with others
daily activities.

352
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:10,402
On average, we have sex for
just a measly minute a day.

353
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:12,838
We passed...

354
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,809
We spent about 60 minutes
fixing ourselves

355
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:20,612
We spent about 75 minutes
eating and drinking.

356
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:22,448
But perhaps the most striking

357
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:25,617
is when we compare time
past on social networks

358
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:28,687
with the time we spend with
friends and family, face to face.

359
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:31,223
The data is quite
interesting.

360
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:34,126
We spend about 39 minutes a day

361
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:37,162
socializing and communicating
with the most important people.

362
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:41,166
So it seems we prefer our
online life to offline life.

363
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,736
One minute a day having sex.

364
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,739
Who is having
Sex twice a day?

365
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:55,180
It's crazy. You also described it
like "a measly minute."

366
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,249
You know what? quality,
not quantity.

367
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:02,187
But, back. How many
minutes on social networks?

368
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:03,355
One hundred thirty-five.

369
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:04,823
Does it sound good?

370
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,158
For me it would be double.

371
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,360
It's different, because you
work involves being

372
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:09,828
- on social networks.
- Yes.

373
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,130
We are working.

374
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,932
And I don't know what real people do.

375
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:16,635
- Yes.
- In addition to sending us photos of their penises.

376
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:18,904
Can I ask something?

377
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:24,643
You women, how often
Do you receive dick pics online?

378
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,460
Does it happen often?

379
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114
Not just dick pics.

380
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,751
Because I'm a comedian and
People think I'm bad

381
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,120
they confuse that with
be a dominatrix.

382
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:40,359
There are men who send me
photos of them humiliating themselves

383
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:41,827
and they ask me to retweet them.

384
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,463
A man sent me
a photo of himself

385
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:48,400
sitting on the pillar
his bed, in his room.

386
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,671
And he said, "Please retweet
this and humiliate me, mistress."

387
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,740
I am impressed that you have
a bed with pillars.

388
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:55,807
Yes.

389
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,647
Extraordinary.

390
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:05,170
Because we are from a generation
previous, before the penis photos.

391
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,754
Yes. I'm almost 24 years old, so
that all this is new to me.

392
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:12,891
If you are watching this on
high definition, 4K...

393
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,662
I would like to apologize
for the obvious lie.

394
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,835
ŻYou spend more time on the networks
social than with your family, DL?

395
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,370
ŻPeople have
sex for a minute?

396
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,607
Do you want me to tell you
how do we calculate it?

397
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,608
Yes, tell us.

398
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,311
One study asked
heterosexual couples

399
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,460
to use a stopwatch

400
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:39,585
to see how long it took the man to
ejaculate once inside the vagina.

401
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,860
We know how sex works!

402
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:44,189
Wait.

403
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,158
- I'm not sure I understand this.
- Yes.

404
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:50,496
And the average time that
they took a while to ejaculate

405
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:52,598
It was 5.4 minutes.

406
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:53,665
Oh, okay.

407
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,335
And if people have sex, two
times per week, on average

408
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,401
It's one minute a day.

409
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:58,704
Wait, then...

410
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,773
- Now!
- Yes.

411
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:03,674
Wait.

412
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:08,147
- Exactly.
- No, baby, this is for science.

413
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,684
Mona, thank you very much.
It was fascinating.

414
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:19,525
Well, let's get to the heart of the
program: Solutions.

415
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:22,327
DL and Michael, you have
more followers on Instagram,

416
00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:23,729
you start.

417
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:28,800
Well, since Al
Gore invented the internet,

418
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:32,400
60% of people declared
that damaged his self-esteem,

419
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,806
and is usually a troll with
an egg as a profile photo

420
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,975
calling someone a "bitch"
for eating a bagel.

421
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:41,313
But you won't be able to hide behind
of your avatar with my solution,

422
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,748
the internet license.

423
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,384
The license will be
tied to your identity

424
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:48,921
You will have to take charge of
every comment on Facebook,

425
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:53,525
every selfie from a high angle that
shows a little bit of a nipple, Nikki.

426
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:59,598
One in 20 men has molested or
attacked someone's body online.

427
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,667
And for men it is easy.
For women

428
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,969
It's like jumping in
parachute over a garbage dump,

429
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,939
except that the garbage dump
ask for photos of your feet.

430
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:12,611
Basically, if we know who you are,
you are less likely to be a troll.

431
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:16,415
And, if you are anyway, there is a
special force to track you

432
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,550
and stick your butt in
the internet jail.

433
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:19,952
Problem solved.

434
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:24,156
We have this look behind the scenes
to the special force. Let's see her!

435
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,793
Internet police film themselves with men
and women of the security forces.

436
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,396
SERGEANT LOPEZ
INTERNET POLICE

437
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,200
Calm down!

438
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:38,203
Yes?

439
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,105
Do you have your internet license?

440
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,773
Yes, I have it.

441
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:44,209
- Can I see her?
- It's there.

442
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:45,677
- There?
- It's there.

443
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:46,745
Your license is...

444
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:53,752
He escapes.

445
00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:58,323
Promise me you'll connect me,
assninja68@aol.com

446
00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,725
- Someone took 69.
- Good.

447
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,159
Assninja!

448
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:05,831
Well done, patrol 69. We have
a piece of information about your research,

449
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:07,532
on the corner of Yanny and Laurel.

450
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,434
Got it, Yanny and Yanny.

451
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:14,606
I've been chasing this guy for a while.
Fasten your seatbelts, kids.

452
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:18,100
I got you, son of a bitch.

453
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,280
No, you won't have one
cheeseburger

454
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,748
Okay, let's go.

455
00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:26,385
INTERNET POLICE

456
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:29,187
Great.

457
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:30,254
I love it.

458
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:33,492
- Then you remove the anonymity...
- Absolutely.

459
00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:35,927
And you make people be
responsible on the internet.

460
00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:36,828
Absolutely.

461
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:38,130
Chris Rock has a joke,

462
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:41,466
It says there is an application to know
Which of your friends are racist:

463
00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:42,534
It's called Facebook.

464
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:47,939
I think if you remove the anonymity,
people will say less things.

465
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,410
Less hurtful things.

466
00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:51,376
Yes, I think the internet
it would be a different place

467
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,945
if we all had
than to be yourself,

468
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,947
not a made up name.

469
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,160
I would change the way
the one who use the internet?

470
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:00,952
I am very public in
my internet use.

471
00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:04,656
I mean, I am
@michaelianblack on Twitter.

472
00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:08,600
And I don't think...

473
00:22:08,694 --> 00:22:10,662
I don't think it will change anytime soon.

474
00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:11,729
because I am who I am.

475
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:13,332
But this makes sense,

476
00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:14,733
because there are many trolls.

477
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,834
And...

478
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,903
What needs to be done to
get the license?

479
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,971
Because, for me, the important thing

480
00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:24,242
is knowing the difference between
words like "go" and "fence"

481
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,500
and between tube, with a long "b"

482
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:35,220
and had, with a short "v".

483
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:40,592
If you have good spelling, for
me that you can have your license.

484
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:42,828
I am not convinced by the
idea of the police.

485
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:45,664
I don't think we need
more police

486
00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:49,201
You're right. It is rare that a
black man ask for more police.

487
00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,969
You're right. I didn't think it through.

488
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,940
What do you think about the license?
Internet, Katherine?

489
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:56,608
I think it is a
brilliant idea, DL.

490
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:59,344
I have realized that
America needs more prisoners.

491
00:22:59,411 --> 00:23:01,179
And if...

492
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:06,251
If one cleaned the internet and
I would hold all those people responsible,

493
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:09,221
I could use more
social networks.

494
00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,591
What do you think of
the internet license?

495
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,630
You are literally
looking at your phone?

496
00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:21,566
Sorry, were you looking at your phone?

497
00:23:21,633 --> 00:23:22,633
Yes.

498
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,604
What were you seeing?
on your phone?

499
00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:27,439
I warned someone
where it was.

500
00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:29,107
It was a message from
text, sorry.

501
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:30,542
It was disrespectful.

502
00:23:31,420 --> 00:23:32,778
- You are a monster.
- I know!

503
00:23:33,378 --> 00:23:37,616
I'm going to break up with someone after
this and I have to make an appointment...

504
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:39,683
to do it.

505
00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:40,985
Well, don't see it...

506
00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:43,789
I can't stop sharing.
Don't broadcast this, please.

507
00:23:43,855 --> 00:23:44,689
Are you...

508
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,725
I try to explain
my behavior.

509
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:50,262
They just told me I'm not your therapist.
and that we have to continue, sorry.

510
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:52,531
Well, Katherine and Nikki,

511
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:53,732
Time to hear your solution.

512
00:23:53,799 --> 00:23:55,434
A round of applause for Katherine Ryan.

513
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:59,204
We are all addicted to
our phones

514
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:03,742
and everyone who comments on my selfies
Instagram users want it to stop.

515
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,744
Social networks
they ruin our lives

516
00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:07,646
but I'll fix it

517
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:10,148
slowing down
to the internet.

518
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:13,510
Do you remember how it felt?
be able to concentrate on something?

519
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:15,821
Of course there are no nachos left.
What was the question?

520
00:24:15,887 --> 00:24:16,887
Oh yes.

521
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:20,192
Our brains
They have become trash.

522
00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:24,950
How badly do you want to see that girl with
a fake butt exercising?

523
00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:27,699
What if the photo takes three
hours to download?

524
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,303
You may go out to the street
show him his penis without a filter

525
00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:33,505
to some women
from your neighborhood.

526
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:39,770
And, of course, your uncle is a
formidable racist,

527
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,446
but we will do more
slow to your Facebook

528
00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:44,282
like his giant prostate did
slower to your urine stream.

529
00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:50,188
You will have to think about it as hard as
the tumor growing in your rectum

530
00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:52,791
before publishing that
feminism is cancer.

531
00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:56,828
With internet this slow,
your unpleasant relatives

532
00:24:56,895 --> 00:24:59,865
They will have to keep their
hateful comments for christmas.

533
00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:05,904
Help us help you reduce
speed of your internet to zero.

534
00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:07,973
Jimmy, welcome to the future.

535
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:14,412
CHARGING

536
00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:22,854
There it is.

537
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:27,259
My mother always told me to make them
wait and they will want it more,

538
00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:30,729
but I am living proof that yes
you make them wait long enough,

539
00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:32,564
They will love him much less.

540
00:25:34,499 --> 00:25:38,136
And please look at this one
beautiful and famous young woman.

541
00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:39,938
He never went outside.

542
00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:43,441
He brought his phone to the studio,

543
00:25:43,508 --> 00:25:45,944
where you literally get paid
for not looking at it.

544
00:25:51,683 --> 00:25:53,318
I am very ashamed.

545
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,921
She is addicted to
social networks.

546
00:25:56,488 --> 00:25:59,224
Let's slow it down.

547
00:26:07,132 --> 00:26:09,200
So the idea is to do
slower internet

548
00:26:09,267 --> 00:26:11,102
and that forces us to
return to the real world.

549
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,371
- That's how it is.
- What do you like about this idea, Nikki?

550
00:26:13,438 --> 00:26:15,373
I think it's a good solution.

551
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,509
Now it's too much
fast and convenient.

552
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,444
And the free Wi-Fi
on airplanes...

553
00:26:19,511 --> 00:26:22,480
I used to like that moment when
I couldn't be on the phone

554
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,482
and now I can be
everywhere.

555
00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:27,152
And it would be nice if they could
eliminate that a little bit.

556
00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:30,322
But to the people on Reddit
They won't like it at all.

557
00:26:30,388 --> 00:26:31,388
Oh, they will be angry,

558
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:35,360
but heroin addicts
They get angry if you take away their heroin.

559
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,427
It's true.

560
00:26:37,395 --> 00:26:40,650
DL, Michael, what?
What do you think about this idea?

561
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:43,535
Absolutely. I remember when I started
to watch porn on my computer.

562
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,270
And that delay, all that...

563
00:26:45,804 --> 00:26:48,940
It's hard to hold your penis and
press "reload". It was ridiculous.

564
00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:50,408
How gorgeous.

565
00:26:50,475 --> 00:26:51,576
One had to plan it.

566
00:26:51,643 --> 00:26:54,512
You had to think: "You know?
"I think I'll masturbate tomorrow."

567
00:26:54,579 --> 00:26:55,480
Yes.

568
00:26:55,547 --> 00:26:56,915
"I'm going to download something."

569
00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:01,190
What would they do if
Did they have more time?

570
00:27:01,860 --> 00:27:02,821
another two hours
of life every day.

571
00:27:02,887 --> 00:27:03,955
Pray for dying.

572
00:27:08,493 --> 00:27:10,128
Calmly, it's a comedy show.

573
00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:11,997
Oh! Pray that I die!

574
00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:14,231
Far better.

575
00:27:18,737 --> 00:27:19,571
I can say...

576
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,440
I think if it were slower...

577
00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:25,377
My porn searches
they have become very depraved

578
00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:28,713
because it is so easy to access
It gets more and more disgusting.

579
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:29,914
You get used to it.

580
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,883
And suddenly they show you...

581
00:27:31,950 --> 00:27:33,418
In the suggested thumbnails

582
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,550
I start to see blood and I say:
"No, no, I don't want that."

583
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:40,458
And they say, "See you in a week."
I think not.

584
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,761
But yeah, you know where I'll end up.

585
00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:45,630
But if it took time, I think
that I would still like...

586
00:27:46,131 --> 00:27:47,732
If it takes a while to download,

587
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,680
I wouldn't have time to see
the strange things I see.

588
00:27:50,135 --> 00:27:52,537
Do you remember when I asked you
if you shared too much?

589
00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:53,438
Yes.

590
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,640
- It's a problem.
- I have a problem.

591
00:27:56,410 --> 00:27:59,310
I used to like to see a man
and a woman having sex

592
00:27:59,377 --> 00:28:01,680
and now my searches for
pornography begins...

593
00:28:01,746 --> 00:28:03,248
I go on Pornhub or whatever

594
00:28:03,314 --> 00:28:06,451
and I write: "Scared girl
running through a warehouse."

595
00:28:06,518 --> 00:28:08,860
That's where I start.

596
00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:10,488
That's for sure.

597
00:28:10,889 --> 00:28:12,824
We are entering the dungeon.

598
00:28:14,492 --> 00:28:15,326
Yes.

599
00:28:15,393 --> 00:28:17,595
I'm judging you.

600
00:28:17,662 --> 00:28:18,763
You should.

601
00:28:18,830 --> 00:28:20,265
I have a problem.

602
00:28:20,331 --> 00:28:22,330
I don't watch pornography.

603
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,668
Not for any moral reason.

604
00:28:23,735 --> 00:28:25,360
I just finished it.

605
00:28:27,405 --> 00:28:31,176
How many results are there for "Girl
scared running through a warehouse"?

606
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,310
Many. I mean...

607
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,512
As if they were not going to
Find out in an hour.

608
00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:35,980
There are many.

609
00:28:37,348 --> 00:28:38,683
Everyone is saying:

610
00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:41,252
"Wait, Netflix is on
But this is important."

611
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:45,290
I just realized that I like them
videos with tied women

612
00:28:45,356 --> 00:28:47,225
and I always thought: "What
"The hell is it happening to me?"

613
00:28:47,292 --> 00:28:49,494
But let me
I explained to them, okay?

614
00:28:50,595 --> 00:28:51,863
Because I didn't know.

615
00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:53,264
I always judged myself.

616
00:28:53,331 --> 00:28:56,401
"Why do I like to see women
tied and helpless?"

617
00:28:56,468 --> 00:28:58,636
And it's because it's forced laziness.

618
00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:02,340
One can say: "I would love to
masturbate, but my hands are tied."

619
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:04,175
You just have to lean in.

620
00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:06,111
It's great.

621
00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:08,947
So you look at these
things and you...

622
00:29:09,130 --> 00:29:10,415
So you would do... Yes.

623
00:29:10,482 --> 00:29:11,683
No, uh...

624
00:29:13,151 --> 00:29:13,985
Yes.

625
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,721
A round of applause to do more
slow internet.

626
00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:23,995
Okay, so Katherine's team
suggests making it slower

627
00:29:24,620 --> 00:29:26,464
and the DL team
proposes a license.

628
00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:28,233
They have the right to
stay online.

629
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,568
Everything you seek can
be used against you

630
00:29:30,635 --> 00:29:34,239
in the court of public opinion. In The
perfect solution we are a democracy,

631
00:29:34,305 --> 00:29:37,475
our audience will be able to decide which
of these solutions is Facebook

632
00:29:37,542 --> 00:29:39,430
and which is Myspace.

633
00:29:39,978 --> 00:29:42,413
Okay, audience,
vote please.

634
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,949
And remember, this is not a
BuzzFeed quiz.

635
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,384
Your answers matter.

636
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,955
Well, we have the results.
With 55%,

637
00:29:51,856 --> 00:29:53,324
The winner is Katherine Ryan!

638
00:29:55,590 --> 00:29:57,629
So that's it.
We fix social networks.

639
00:29:58,763 --> 00:30:02,000
Thank you, Katherine Ryan, Nikki Glaser,
DL Hughley and Michael Ian Black...

640
00:30:02,667 --> 00:30:04,669
to our expert
data, Mona Chalabi,

641
00:30:04,736 --> 00:30:07,305
to everyone here in the studio and
to all of you for seeing us.

642
00:30:07,372 --> 00:30:09,774
We will solve more of the
problems of the world in

643
00:30:09,841 --> 00:30:13,545
five, four, three, two, one.

644
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:01,360
• Synchronized and corrected by
MarcusL • • www.subdivx.com •